I’ve been getting some feedback from people. It seems they think I’m not doing well. And they are definitely correct, to a degree. But it’s not so much that I am not doing well. It’s more that I’m not fitting in.
I’m understanding less and less. I don’t understand how anyone can think anything makes sense. Society, how we live our lives, how we spend our time and our attention… anything. It doesn’t matter where I look, everything looks crazy to me. And not just a little crazy, stark raving mad, insane.
I understand fully that, by the numbers, I am the insane one. The raving one. And I readily admit that I cannot rule out the possibility that I am. But it doesn’t seem that way to me. My logic seems unassailable to me, just not to anyone else.
I’ve tried putting forward my point of view but that has turned out not to be a success. So I’ll just put it forward here and leave it at that. And just for the sake of expressing it and clarifying it for myself, not evangelizing! Because I ‘fear’ that I’m a heretic and heretics get burnt at the stake. Better to be crazy than a heretic and better still just to be slightly eccentric and harmless 😬 That’s me from now on. I hope.
But the fact remains that I don’t fit in anymore. I can’t see myself participating in this nonsense to any significant degree. What does that leave? I don’t know. I have no clue. And that’s uncomfortable and lonely. And that’s what people pick up on, I guess. The dissonance (and the crazy, that still leaks out).
It’s weird and uncomfortable and lonely and unstoppable. Not that I want to stop it. But it’s still not pleasant.