Basically all our issues can be traced back to a lack of self-love.
We are horrible to ourselves. We think the most atrocious things about ourselves. If you think about it for one second, that is the definition of insanity. We make ourselves miserable. Why?! Because we have internalized from a young age that we are not good enough, unless…
Unless we are successful. Unless we fit in. Unless we are kind. Unless we are beautiful. Unless we are hard working. Unless we are honest. Unless we are caring. Unless we are happy and upbeat. Unless. Unless. Unless.
We only love ourselves conditionally.
But here’s the thing.
- We aren’t free to do what we do. Free will is an illusion and you couldn’t have done a single thing differently than you did.
- Our intentions are good, always.
- We can never meet everybody’s expectations, so don’t try.
You are good enough. Just the way you are. Accept all the things, especially yourself. Love yourself. Always. And yes, also the ugly bits. Especially the ugly bits.
I can hear your thoughts. They all start with ‘But’.
No buts!
Everything you want starts with self love. You want to trust and love someone else? Gotta love yourself first. You want to be confident and relaxed? How are you going to be confident if you don’t even love yourself? You want peace of mind and equanimity? How are you going to chill with that voice in your head being unpleasant half the time?
All the reasons why you aren’t justified in loving yourself that your mind is bringing up right now are not addressing the main point in my argument: you couldn’t have done differently than you did. If that’s the case you are not the one to be blamed. So don’t.
In fact, don’t blame anyone! They couldn’t have done anything differently either. But start with yourself.