Reality is like this

You’re in a hospital bed with a terrible disease. Imagine your worst nightmare. And then even worse. It couldn’t be worse. Everything is as terrible as it possibly could be. And it goes on for a very, very long time.

And then you wake up.

You’re in this lovely forest and birds are singing. You look around. There’s a dude. He’s pretty chill. Looks like Jesus. And Mohammed. And the Rock.

You ask him: ‘Hey, what just happened?’ And he’s like: ‘Oh that. That was just a dream.’

‘How long did it last?’

‘No time, actually.’

‘How come I don’t feel anything from what happened? But I know that it did? But not what happened, actually.’

‘Because it didn’t happen.’

And the dude disappears. And you get up. And you walk around. It’s a super nice place. Absolutely everything is chill. Nothing could be more chill. It’s gorgeous and peaceful and green and lush. And then you see a woman in the distance.

She’s hot!

You walk closer. She does not appear to be dressed. You pick up the pace. She turns towards you with a longing expression.

When suddenly.

Behind her an Apache attack helicopter appears above the trees. And another one. They are aiming directly at you. You – as they say – are fucked. But you turn and run. Hard. You duck and weave and make a break for it. Both helicopters tilt forward and come after you. Rockets are shrieking through the air. Bullets are tearing up the forest. Napalm is dropping. You get hit with shrapnel, incendiaries, bullets, Zyklon-B. Shit is not looking good for you buddy. And… PAIN! Lots of pain. All the pain.

And then you wake up.

There’s an alien. It beams into your head that all is well. You’re in a vast expanse of nothing forever. The alien is super chill. You are super chill. You ask the alien: ‘Who are you?’ It answers: ‘I’m you of course.’ And disappears. You snort and grin a dumb grin. And then you disappear.

And there is nothing left.

Not even the space.

Just, nothing forever.

And after no time passes by nowhere. You go: ‘Fuck! This is boring.’

And now you’re skydiving!

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